This has been around on the net for years. I don't know if it was ever on the McDonnell Douglas web site but it makes a good story.

McDonnell Douglas Customer Survey


This was actually posted very briefly on the McDonnell Douglas website by an employee there who obviously had a sense of humor. The company, of course, does not (have a sense of humor) - and made the web department take it down immediately. (In case you don't know: McDonnell Douglas is one of the world's chief suppliers of military aircraft).

Thank you for purchasing a McDonnell Douglas military aircraft. In order to protect your new investment, please take a few moments to fill out the warranty registration card below. Answering the survey questions is not required, but the information will help us to develop new products that best meet your needs and desires.


  1. Personal Information:
    Mr.Mrs.Ms.MissLt.Gen.ComradeClassifiedOther First name: Initial: Last name:
    Code name: Password: (max 8 char)
    Latitude-Longitude-Altitude: : :
  2. Which model aircraft did you purchase?
    Choose OneF-14 TomcatF-15 EagleF-16 FalconF-117A StealthClassified
  3. Date of purchase (Year/Month/Day):
    19 / /
  4. Serial Number:

  5. Please check where this product was purchased:
    Choose OneReceived as gift/aid packageCatalog showroomIndependent arms brokerMail orderDiscount storeGovernment surplusClassified

  6. Please check how you became aware of the McDonnell Douglas product you have just purchased:
    Choose OneHeard loud noise, looked upStore displayEspionageRecommended by friend/relative/allyPolitical lobbying by manufacturerWas attacked by one

  7. Please check the three (3) factors that most influenced your decision to purchase this McDonnell Douglas product:
    Style/Appearance Speed/Maneuverability
    Price/value Comfort/Convenience
    Kickback/Bribe Recommended by salesperson
    McDonnell Douglas reputation Advanced Weapons Systems
    Backroom politics Negative experience opposing one in combat

  8. Please check the location(s) where this product will be used:
    North America Iraq Central/South America
    Iraq Aircraft carrier Iraq
    Europe Iraq Middle East (not Iraq)
    Iraq Africa Iraq
    Asia/Far East Iraq Misc. Third World countries
    Iraq Classified Iraq

  9. Please check the products that you currently own or intend to purchase in the near future:
    Color TV VCR ICBM
    Killer Satellite CD Player Air-to-Air Missiles
    Space Shuttle Home Computer Nuclear Weapon

  10. How would you describe yourself or your organization? (Check all that apply:)
    Choose OneCommunist/SocialistTerroristCrazedNeutralDemocraticDictatorshipCorruptPrimitive/Tribal

  11. How did you pay for your McDonnell Douglas product?
    Choose OneDeficit spendingCashSuitcases of cocaineOil revenuesPersonal checkCredit cardRansom money Traveler's check

  12. Your occupation:
    Choose OneHomemakerSales/MarketingRevolutionaryClericalMercenaryTyrantMiddle managementEccentric billionaireDefense Minister/GeneralRetiredStudent

  13. To help us understand our customers' lifestyles, please indicate the interests and activities in which you and your spouse enjoy participating on a regular basis:
    Golf Boating/Sailing
    Sabotage Running/Jogging
    Propaganda/Disinformation Destabilization/Overthrow
    Default on loans Gardening
    Crafts Black market/Smuggling
    Collectibles/Collections Watching sports on TV
    Wines Interrogation/Torture
    Household pets Crushing rebellions
    Espionage/Reconnaissance Fashion clothing
    Border disputes Mutually Assured Destruction

Thank you for taking the time to fill out this questionnaire. Your answers will be used in market studies that will help McDonnell Douglas serve you better in the future - as well as allowing you to receive mailings and special offers from other companies, governments, extremist groups, and mysterious consortia. As a bonus for responding to this survey, you will be registered to win a brand new F-117A in our Desert Thunder Sweepstakes!

Comments or suggestions about our fighter planes? Please write to:

McDONNELL DOUGLAS CORPORATION
Marketing Department Military Aerospace Division